LOL!
Today i went for dance "rehearsal" at Div's house.
It was kinda tense at first coz Mauli threw a fit over the phone about me not being able to make it to 2 "rehearsals". So of course i started 'hating' her. (Hormones)
But yea, after being slightly united in our front against Kausy's weakness, she said sorry and i just acted cool and said it's ok.
Then she taught me the rest of the dance since something was amiss with Div's (in my opinion). But i could that she was still kinda cold. I think though that the girls were kinda off with me coz they don't really want me to be as "good" as them so i don't upstage them or something. Or something like that. Hey, i like these girls it's just that i can sense these things and i could also see that they were very into themselves while dancing.
I guess they're trying to live their Bollywood dreams.......BAH!
Plus, they totally will not deviate from the Indian moves...Like, 2 (probably not even that) un-Indian moves were used.
I don't mind lah but c'mon. You gotta understand that i am not Indian. I have not been brought up with the songs they hear. The only proper Indian movie i saw properly (and fully) was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I have not grown up watching people dance and sing, swaying their hips without a care.
Basicly, i grew up devoid of anything cultural. Seriously, even my Sabahan roots weren't (still not) celebrated. I have never celebrated ANYTHING remotely Sabahan, Malays, Chinese and Indian.
Muslim culture?? What do i do on those Muslim holidays? Stay at home. I don't visit relatives, i don't throw open houses.
It's only recently that i've been invited to open houses and such. Even those are only by my close friends which i have few and are getting fewer since Div's is moving to China and Em's is of in India.
Hari Raya? I stay at home. It was only when i was below the age of 5 did i ever go to any Hari Raya open houses. And i hardly remember those. See? I don't get 'duit raya', i don't get ang pow.
What i'm basicly trying to say is, I wish they'd understand that i'm pretty senstive and insecure. I don't feel like i belong anywhere. I'm not fully Chinese, I have no Malay or Indian blood whatsoever and what Sabahan culture do i get exposed to stuck here?
I am an outsider, i belong nowhere and my fragile self esteem needs a boost once in a while.
Just tell me i'm doing it right so i don't embarass myself and correct me when i'm wrong, instead of being so into yourselves. Get real, this is reality, not those sweet Bollywood romances. You're not gonna meet a Kunal and get swept away in song and dance...
*sigh*love,
Zurich. <3
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