Haunted

Honestly, my mind is spinning.
I feel like I'm being haunted by memories.

I asked Jeremy something today and he was like "Your subconscious mind still misses that person." But honestly, every time the thought or a memory appears, i mentally flinch. I cringe, and i feel ashamed for the stupid way i acted. Seriously, the Azureen i recognise disappeared for a bit. But eventually, you can't change from who you really are and Azureen came back and kicked that mushy alien out of my brain.

I hate this.
I can't forget easily when it comes to memories. Especially stuff that i'm embarassed of. It's like being traumatized.
You probably think that i'm babbling. I am. But it's hard when you realise that everything you did was stupid and very immature.

I don't want any complications in my life right now.
Coz i'm already complicated as heck and you want me to throw a monkey wrench in the works? You're nuts. I don't need the hassle.

I want to live, laugh and giggle obscenely with no worries. I need to be around people who understand me and can see in between the lines of the stuff i say. I don't need to, have to or want to go around explaining myself to people. Coz if i have to explain the sarcastic jokes and silly quirks my friends take for granted all the time to anyone...it just shows. They aren't on the same wavelength as i am and why try to force yourself to be something you're not?

Ahhh, i think i just spouted a bunch of nonsense.

p.s. i'm making apple crumble tonight.
Zurich :)