Feeling No Support.

I just realised. My title sounds weird. If you were more dirty-minded maybe you'd read this for the wrong reason's. Oh well. Maybe somebody might read my blog. I don't think anyone does. I don't really care much. If somebody DOES read this. It's the icing...no maybe candle on the cake.


I just came back from the second day of trials for MSSD. The tennis competition where if chosen you can represent your school. Guess what! I DIDN'T get chosen. I don't know what i feel right now. Dissapointed? Bitter? No i can't be bitter. I know i wasn't great.
I feel emotionally numb.

I wish my mom could seem more supportive. I'm pretty sure she knows my goals of trying to be a tennis player. I love her but i wish she wouldn't compare me with her.
Example

"When i was young, we looked at magazines. We learnt by ourselves. When we
thought we were really good we THEN looked for a coach. We saw the players were
so much better. We decided that tennis would just be our hobby."

I WANT to be a tennis player. It is my passion. If i can't be a tennis player then i would want to work in television. I believe and know that i have charisma!

I will study, Mom, just don't expect me to stay in Malaysia or work a simple desk job. I have bigger dreams then that. If you want me to become a dentist or something just for the sake of the bloody income then i am sooo sorry but i'll dissapoint you in that. I want to work a job that is exciting, that makes me happy. I'm sure i would go crazy becoming a desk-worker or a dentist. No offence to them but that's me. One, i cannot stand the work dentists go through. Especially my own dentist, who scares and repulses me at times. I can't wait till my braces come off.

Another thing that is driving me on to become a tennis player. To prove my coach wrong Wrong WRONG!!! I hated the pitiful sorry he gave me. I KNOW I HAVE TO DO BETTER. No need to rub it in my face, or act sorry. I am so finding a new coach. How do you learn with a class of 11 people in 1 hour??

I've humoured his class ettiquete long enough. Either i get a smaller class or something or you lose your most loyal student. I go to every class! I skip activities to rest up for the class! Eg. Yesterday, i went to taekwondo, my blister ripped open on my foot, my muscles hurt. I went for the trials. Today, i rested the WHOLE day and yet i still had aching muscles and i went to the the second day trial. Yet he dares call me uninterested in the sport. He can F off.

Right now i do feel like stopping tennis altogether like my mom says but i know, that is the rejected in me talking. I would be a fool to stop something i love. I'll just keep on working on my skills till i am the BEST!

or if i find out that i will never be great. I know i can be great. Till someone proves me wrong that is what i think!







Note to self: Write more happy entries. Will scare people off like this. ;D