Hey blog. It's been a while. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
NOT!
I'm in a bit of a mood because i was writing an extremely long reply to a friend of mine and all of a sudden *poof* the message dissapeared. Plus my wimpy brother wanted me to go the bedroom and watch tv. Just because he's scared of being alone in the room! OMG! If i had a room like that all to myself i would so happy! Everytime i get a bit of peace in comes the baby wanting to watch cartoons in my room and if the BIG baby is scared or bored by himself he comes in and starts a jungle game. I scream myself silly telling them to SHUT UP! Then the big baby goes and mumbles insults at me. If i confront him about it he starts yelling me. He dares calls me a jackass at any moment of the day and yet when i say the word 'bloody' he accuse me of not being able to control my mouth. Dear god, sometimes i wish i could strangle him. I kinda miss the days when we were younger and i could jump on him and start pummeling him without getting into serious trouble. Seriously, those hits were soothing to my savaged soul.
How can you blame me of wanting to scream, scream, hit or pushing him out of my door? Since i was three and he came into the world i had to give up and give in alot to him. My toys were pulled apart, precious books torn. My back was his teething toy! Now that we're older he can still come and bother me when its clear i WANT and NEED my moment of peace.
I don't know if he realizes or even cares that its an exam year but my brain in throbbing. It's an exam year for both of us. I don't think he really uses his brains. Yea i didn't study that hard last year but this year at least i know i deserve credit for TRYING. I get headaches easily now yet i have to go through people at home telling me, nagging me. My mom thinks its ok to rope me into her arguments with dad! When i ignore her she gets all het up. WTF? I am older now. I think i can understand when I shouldn't be in an argument and how to stay out of an argument. I love my mom but i resent her alot for putting what should be the parents burden onto my shoulder. I get it when the fights were really bad that i had to grow up quick. Now, why can't i take those years of being a real kid? "You should know better. You're the eldest. You dont deserve this and blah blah blah!" Why is it you don't listen to my ideas anymore? And when something does penetrate that thick skull of yours registers why do you look down on me? I lost the mom that was calm and listened. Instead i gained one that tries to be cool and continuously pokes fun at me. Yea i don't mind. She's open-minded unlike lots of parents, but there's a time that you can make fun of someone ie. when they're not having a massive headache or just came back from a long a rushed day of school, and a time when you shut up and keep quiet.
Maybe one day i'll write a really really really long blog about why i resent my mom. Its not entirely out of my system. Lots of things bother me but i can't put them into words. My optimism and self confidence is a mask to cover my irritations and worries.
NOT!
I'm in a bit of a mood because i was writing an extremely long reply to a friend of mine and all of a sudden *poof* the message dissapeared. Plus my wimpy brother wanted me to go the bedroom and watch tv. Just because he's scared of being alone in the room! OMG! If i had a room like that all to myself i would so happy! Everytime i get a bit of peace in comes the baby wanting to watch cartoons in my room and if the BIG baby is scared or bored by himself he comes in and starts a jungle game. I scream myself silly telling them to SHUT UP! Then the big baby goes and mumbles insults at me. If i confront him about it he starts yelling me. He dares calls me a jackass at any moment of the day and yet when i say the word 'bloody' he accuse me of not being able to control my mouth. Dear god, sometimes i wish i could strangle him. I kinda miss the days when we were younger and i could jump on him and start pummeling him without getting into serious trouble. Seriously, those hits were soothing to my savaged soul.
How can you blame me of wanting to scream, scream, hit or pushing him out of my door? Since i was three and he came into the world i had to give up and give in alot to him. My toys were pulled apart, precious books torn. My back was his teething toy! Now that we're older he can still come and bother me when its clear i WANT and NEED my moment of peace.
I don't know if he realizes or even cares that its an exam year but my brain in throbbing. It's an exam year for both of us. I don't think he really uses his brains. Yea i didn't study that hard last year but this year at least i know i deserve credit for TRYING. I get headaches easily now yet i have to go through people at home telling me, nagging me. My mom thinks its ok to rope me into her arguments with dad! When i ignore her she gets all het up. WTF? I am older now. I think i can understand when I shouldn't be in an argument and how to stay out of an argument. I love my mom but i resent her alot for putting what should be the parents burden onto my shoulder. I get it when the fights were really bad that i had to grow up quick. Now, why can't i take those years of being a real kid? "You should know better. You're the eldest. You dont deserve this and blah blah blah!" Why is it you don't listen to my ideas anymore? And when something does penetrate that thick skull of yours registers why do you look down on me? I lost the mom that was calm and listened. Instead i gained one that tries to be cool and continuously pokes fun at me. Yea i don't mind. She's open-minded unlike lots of parents, but there's a time that you can make fun of someone ie. when they're not having a massive headache or just came back from a long a rushed day of school, and a time when you shut up and keep quiet.
Maybe one day i'll write a really really really long blog about why i resent my mom. Its not entirely out of my system. Lots of things bother me but i can't put them into words. My optimism and self confidence is a mask to cover my irritations and worries.
To the more random and silly Zurich that people regconise. I can only look at the stuff i wrote just now and go WTH? Why is it whenever i'm opening up i always sound like i'm trying to be posh?
I went for merentas desa latihan on Wednesday. Omg. Before i was even HALF-way through i felt my feet burning. Seriously. Blisters were forming. Though i walked to cool down my feet and the blisters didnt come out. My feet are safe. For now. There's another latihan on Monday. Not to mention that that is the longest day of the school week I have to stay an hour longer because of KA? If i wasnt so bent on getting through that exam i would NOT care. Imagine. I wake up from a Sunday (today) of homework, expect more homework, stay after school hours for more work and THEN am expected to go and do a bloody marathon workout?! In the slang of my schoolmates GO DIE!
I walked with Tracy. And there was a Malay form 5 dude trying to make me look at him. Kept my eyes on the ground though. I have to admit that he is cute but in my opinion, they're all the same. Even if they speak english they're all just wanna-be's who think they're hot. NOT! So, flattering but no thanks.
I think that i did better that the years before. Hey. I only came back only a few minutes after the time limit. Maybe i'll just go to the marathon just to speed up my metabolism. I really want tennis practice but they had a tournement to go to. So no lessons from coach.
Did I mention that i have new favourite band? Tokio Hotel. German rock sensations, and they're only 18! Awesome right?! I think the reason i like them is because since i've always loved languages i've never actually found a band speaking a language other than english that had songs that truly meant something. So now that i've found them i'm not letting go. Haaha.
My friend did a petition to get them over here for reasons that would be known if you were a Tokio Hotel fan. I think it might go through. I'm hoping that they AREN'T fakes and really truly do care about they're fans. Though i feel like that SHOULD take a break. What workaholics. Haha. But i think if i had the chance to do something i love and get paid for it i wouldnt stop either.
Ahhhhhh...Lots of stuff are outta my system now. I can't think of anything else to say.
Oh btw, woodwork sucks. Especially when it isn't as fun as you hope it would be. The process is too loooooong! URGH! I hope after this hectic year is over i can relax. Or something amazing happens to me. I need something to happen God. Please. I don't think i can stand staying in Malaysia forever. I need adventure.
I need to know my life revolves around more than getting or trying to get A's.
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