;'(

Suddenly I feel rather down.

The realisation just hit that I basically did not really technically celebrated my birthday.

Mum did bake me a cake and took pictures but gah, she did it when I was all unbathed and stuff. She suprised me :)

It was nice but it did kinda hurt that nobody REALLY cared.
My cousin was over but as soon my mum finished taking pictures she and my brother ran off to play the PS2. -_-'

Wtf is that?

I think my mum felt bad for me on that day. Coz she sat next to me on the couch and hugged me and said some really nice things.
I mean, she does say that but not that often and especially not when I'm unbathed. Heh.

I really wish I had something remarkable I could have marked my 16th with but I guess it's too late now?

I do believe that 16 for a Malaysian isn't really something remarkable since we can't drive yet and yet freedom is far away till SPM but it still kinda hurt that I didn't really have a day that was just, not ALL about me but still especially thoughtfully dot dot dot

Hard to explain.
But I haven't really had an AWESOME birthday since I was 9.

This birthday I'm glad that lots of people wished me because all the time I was in SMKKK, no one really cared except Mauli.

But this year I got alot of calls saying "Hey, let's celebrate your birthday with *insert name here* and *insert name here* and *insert name here*" etc. etc.

No offence, it sounds awesome to celebrate my birthday with some others but be honest, do you really care about me or do you want a good excuse for a party?

I've been used an abused because I'm a great cover. Parents know that I won't do anything stupid and that my parents are involved in my life so people call me up, invite me out and as soon as a bunch of people I don't know and people who don't care to get to know me arrive, I'm pushed to the back and nudged to the side while they gossip about this shit and that shit and stupid shit.
Maybe I'm being mean but I do think that birthday-wise you're allowed to be a little bit selfish and wish the day were about you.

Plus I don't need anymore shit in my life.

I don't want to cry because I had to spend the day talking to myself.

I don't want to feel the stabbing pains of hurt because 'Oh we don't have any space for you'.

I don't want to have to talk about stuff I don't care about because that's the only way to communicate.

I don't want to be laughed at because they find it hilarious that I could be a certain way. Just because I never show you the real me it doesn't make me a freak to act differently from what you think I am.

I don't want, I don't want, I don't want.

I don't want to feel like shit just for being me.

I've learnt and now I'm not gonna be selfish but my mantra is:

Anything that makes me less than me,
Is NOT for me.

So no thank you,
I don't want to hang out with you.

Zureen